Just when I thought all was going well, it has struck once more. Work was completely hectic today and I lasted approximately 3 hours before I ended up taking my xanax and getting knocked out. Upon waking I felt out of control, I started hyperventilating and did not feel at all normal. No matter how hard I tried to relax myself and calm myself down for the next hour and a half I was in locked in a fully fledged panic attack. My mind was being barraged by waves and waves of negative thoughts, my chest started to tighten, my arms were becoming numb, and pretty much I thought I was going to die again. I understand that thoughts can not harm you and that the symptoms are not dangerous but I just could not convince myself that everything would be all okay. Even after the Xanax and a snooze, I broke straight out into a panic attack.
I really do wish all this would leave me, I don’t mind having minor panic symptoms but when it peaks in my present state I am powerless to control it. I’m worried, my position requires a strong character, one who can deal with stressful situations and take control. All I know is to run away right now. Even after all my retail therapy, at the end of the day I’m still not better. I hope and pray that one day, I will be strong enough to overcome this.. but until that day comes I think I’ll just hide back in my shell.